Job

okay yesterday kc called me at around 9 in the morning telling he had gotten me a interview!
i was scurred! but than patty talked to me and calmed me down... kc came and picked me up and took me to his job where i talked to man named Jackie Ulrich... i said all my yes sirs and no sirs and what not... well any ways... every one is 100% sure i have a job... now I'm just waiting for that phone call! woot!
if and when i get it i will be moving into kc house for a lil while till i get my own apartment... HUZZAH!

There is never nothing going on

you know... today was going awesome... i went with David and George to go do the draft for our fantasy football teams... it was fun and relaxing...
and than i get home and blammo... it hit me... the depression... thoughts... crap like that... so i just sat there thinking about stuff... everything... and you know what i came across? you have to take out the trash! i don't mean the trash in the trash can... i mean the trash in your head... the thoughts of what happened... the thoughts of what will happen... and all the crap like that... all you need in your heads is what is going on right now... and remember there is never nothing going on! all you have to do is look around you... i mean really look.... you will find stuff happening all around you!
all you have to do is your live your life moment by moment and make your self happy... all your life people tell you what you should be doing... and how to do it... i say you need to find your own way through life!
i once herd some one say "its the journey that makes you happy... not the destination" and I'm starting to believe that...
man today was a ramble if I've ever seen one...

fun times!

wanna know what i did for the last few days? just look at the pic and you will know... well it started out with me doing to kc's aunts to go swimming again... than i stayed the night so i can go to patty's birthday party! that was really fun! than the next day kc didn't want to drive so i stay another day and did some home cleaning at kc while every one was away doing what they do best... than i played some games and read a few chapters of harry potter... than the next day we all stayed around till around 10ish than they dropped me off.... yay
and today I've been playing cs and watching movies!
fun times indeed

Awesomeness is awesome baby!

whew... I've had a fun couple of days!
first i went to kc's for his birthday and his cousin and her fiance, Justin and his wife, and bonnie and Howard wher there... we watched Tokyo zombie! roflcakes!
than i remembered that it was patties birthday the next day so i asked if i can stay the night so i can celebrate her birthday also! lol we didn't do anything! i got to wish her a happy birthday at least... i think she is having a party on Sunday... i hope i can make it! than kc said he didn't feel like driving so i was gonna stay another night lol... i did some reading and what not... OH yeah Mei-ling goes in for her surgery on the 22 i think... il pray for her.
hmm looking forward to Saturday cause were going to g swimming again! woot! all in all... the last couple of days were awesome! when i go down there i tend to forget about everything that is bothering me... i think i might try and move down there! *wink wink*

To those who care.

okay lets see... i haven't been around for the last couple of days...
Saturday i went to the bar with Becca and a few friends...
and yesterday i went to kc's aunts house to go swimming for his birthday... twas fun like always!
really really hot though.
than Mel him and i went to see rush hour3! funny movie.... maybe il see if again? who knows.

a new chance!

patty is helping me out with the whole diploma thing!!!
when i found out about it i was sooo stoked! i cant wait!
that's pretty much what happened today.

The creep

i okay i really don't feel like I'm in the mood to type much... so il just post a song that describes me and how I'm feeling right now...

Creep by Radiohead

When you were here before
Couldnt look you in the eye
Youre just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
And I wish I was special
Youre so fuckin special

But Im a creep, Im a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here.

I dont care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When Im not around
Youre so fuckin special
I wish I was special

But Im a creep, Im a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here.

Shes running out again,
Shes running out
Shes run run run running out...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
Youre so fuckin special
I wish I was special...

But Im a creep, Im a weirdo,
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here.
I dont belong here.

Zee blues!

Nothing really to say about today... just played a little wow and than went a took a walk cause i was feeling down... pushed my self and walked 3 times as much as i usually do! woot!

I know I'm being really random... but a wise lady (patty) once told me... "god doesn't make trash"
and well that has been ringing I'm my head all day... especially when i was walking...
okay I'm going to take a shower now...

Was i wrong?

okay people I've done it... I've cut off all tie with the girl I've been in love with for the last 3 or 4 years... and it really really hurts... id hate to admit it but I'm crying... I've cryed 3 times in the last 10 years.... i just hope it was for the best... she needs to get her life together and so do i... i hope this helps both of us... wow i feel bad... i need to get away from this computer before i drive myself to madness....

the trip!

okay im trying to work out what i need to go to Thailand...
im thinking i need about $10,000.... 1000 for the flight and 9000 to get started over there...
9000 us dollars converts to 268,216.31 Thailand Baht... im just hoping that is enough for me to get started on my new life...
what do you guys think?
in the mean time... im going to start studying the language and customs... i really want this to happen!

The list!

lets see... a wonderful woman told me that when i am feeling down for me to make a list of 50 things that make me happy... and i do need some cheering up right now... so i will give it a try...
1. Casey
2. Mei-Ling
3. Mel
4. Nick
5. Amanda (even though she is mean to me ;P)
6. My computer (usually... but lately stuff in it has been making me feel like poop)
7. Going out
8. Trips (even though i never go on any anymore)
9. Toby (but making her unhappy is making me unhappy)
10. Having a goal (that some day i will move to Thailand)
11. Helping some one out when they need it
12. Patty and Emery (lol Patty have given me more advise in the year I've known her than my whole family has done my whole life)
13. Reading
14. Playing video games
15. Being in school really made me happy!
16. Drawing(but i seem to have lost my imagination)
17. Painting used to make me happy
18. Casey's nephews and nieces (they are some cool cats)
19. Casey's family basically(they feel more like family than my real family does)
20. Collecting stuff(knives, guns, and stuff like that... I'm not a horder though)
21. I was happy when i was working
Well I'm sorry but i cant seem to think of anything else right now...
anyways I'm going to go for a walk...
i will post again soon.

2 days of bliss!

lets see... I've missed a day haven't i?
aah that's cause I've been at kc's house. it was awesome... pretty much sat around all day playing video games than we finally went to bed around 3ish... i woke up at around 6am to mow the lawn but it was already mowed lol...
ooh yeah i pretty much made up my kind yesterday... I'm going to move to Thailand with kc and Mel.... maybe not with them... but some time after them... just have to get some money together! rawr!
but yeah... i was happy all day yesterday and today! HUZZAH!
ramble ramble ramble!
i dunno I'm tired to I'm gonna go take a nap... maybe i didn't make much sense in this pot... but you will soon find out i never make sense

~Matt

wow

OK i woke up and did nothing but watch random movies for about 4 hours... than i got bored and check to see how much i had in the bank... 15.46 HUZZAH!
so i felt like playing wow with Toby so i payed for a month of it and now i have .46 in my bank! WOOT!
than she got pissed cause i did that so i could play with her.... so i dunno if I'm gonna renew it after this....
and than i played a Lil mariokart with Tim and got pwnt like 4 times... than i played a Lil cs and pwnt some noobs...
ooh yeah kc called me just a min ago saying i can crash at his casa if i mow his lawn tomorrow! play a little wii!! hells yeah!
should have some more money in my account Monday... and another 250 within another week! HUZZAH again.
so yeah now I'm gonna go take a shower and get ready to go to kc's house and sweet my asshole off.

till next time... Matt~

#1

lets see... this would be my first blog... i dunno really what to put in these.... so let me start by saying.... my life suck ass.
i have no job.
I'm stupid.
i feel like I'm all alone at the moment.
I'm just living day after day wishing it would all end soon...
ooh yeah my name is Matthew...


well that was my first blog... sry for the IQ points that were lost while reading my crap.... have a nice day.


Matt.